Keeping Friends

Show a sincere interest.
When we show a sincere interest in people we can easily make friends. But keeping a friend is a little harder. It takes a little more work and effort. Everybody is likable for a few minutes but after a while their faults start to show through. However, before we criticize them for having faults we need to realize that we have some too. If we want to keep friends we will have to overlook some things about that person. As the Bible says, “love covers a multitude of sin, it does not expose it.”

What do I have to give?
Another helpful hint in keeping a friend is to look at the relationship with the question, “what do I have to give this person?” Not “what can I take from this person?” Have you ever had a friend that only wanted to take? Every time you got together they tried to get you into their latest multi-level business. They wanted you to give them something. They wanted you to take them somewhere. They wanted you to do them a favor. They wanted you to baby-sit for them. It was always about their needs and their wants. How did that make you feel?

So be a friend who wants to give, not a friend who wants to take, and everyone will want to be your friend.

Stop Trying To Prove Your Point
You can be right all of the time, or you can have friends. You can’t have both.

When you get together with a group of people and one person is always loudly telling the rest of you what to do and how to do it how does that make you feel? Don’t you want to tell them to shut up? Or maybe you just get up and leave. Either way, it is not a good feeling to spend time with a ‘know it all.’ So don’t be a ‘know it all.’

Benjamin Franklin was a ‘know it all’ when he was young, until a friend called him to account on his offensive behavior. Fortunately for Ben and for many others who were later impacted by him, he took the advice. From that point on instead of jumping into the conversation with prideful ‘know it all’ comments he began to carefully chose his words. He listened carefully before he spoke and only when he was asked did he give his opinion. Even then he started his conversations with the words, “Well, I could be wrong, but I perceive…” He became so likable that he was appointed as the good will ambassador to France.

If you are wrong admit it.
There is nothing wrong is saying you were wrong. Some people think that is a weakness, but actually it is a strength. Think about it. It is a lot easier to cut ties and run away, than it is to face your mistakes and admit it. That takes real courage. Any fool can run away, and most fools do. Any fool can dig in their heals and still scream, “I am right,” and again, most fools do.

An apology never hurts.
An apology never hurts, but loosing a friend does. Oh, the apology can be uncomfortable for a moment, but that feeling quickly fades when the friendship is restored. Although not everyone will accept your apology, most people will. Some need to think about it for a while, but most will accept it right away. Especially if you do it right.

How To Make a Good Apology That Counts

1. Look the person in the eye.

2. Tell them that you are sorry, without somehow blaming them for what you did. Don’t say “I am sorry, that you feel that way.” Or “I am sorry but you made me angry.” Or “I am sorry, but it wasn’t my fault.” Take responsibility in your apology. Say “I am sorry for what I did. It is my responsibility entirely.”

3. Tell them in detail what you are sorry about. Go on to describe how it must have made them feel. Let them know in your description that this apology means something to you and you have thought about their pain.

4. Ask them for forgiveness. At the end of your apology ask them, “Will you forgive me for this?”

When you make a good apology it clears the air. You will be able to move forward. The burden is lifted from your heart and theirs too.

Don’t give up.
Go back when there has been damage and try again. Don’t give up. At least try once more. If they refuse to hear you, then leave it and release it. Maybe give it six months or a year and then try again. But if they do not want to receive you, let the burden be released from you.

To keep it from giving you a bunch of bitterness tell God, “Father, I forgive them. I surrender this to your hands and I refuse to carry it anymore. Thanks for taking the weight of this off me. Amen.”

We have some great books about making and keeping friends on our booklist at New Life Valley Ministries. Attending a House Church can also really be helpful. The third session of training in every House Church is called Relationships 101 and there are lots of helpful tools given out about how to make and keep friends, as well as how to improve one’s marriage, home-life, and work relationships. See the side panels of this blog for information about where there may be a House Church operating near you.